I'm tiny Tammy. I saw what happened to the others, I'm keeping this sweater on till I'm sure the cat-shaving lady is gone!
I've been at Chatopia for a few months now, and this place is always changing. Cats come and go, ornaments move around, we even had hamsters last week! They found homes straight away, but I'm staying for a while longer.
The past week has been hectic. Espoir came back - she missed us all so much and she's delighted to be 'home' (even if it did mean getting shaved as well). Then there was the ceiling in room 1. I was taking a sip from our water fountain when I heard a crash and Little John screamed like a kitten. It had rained so much for 2 days straight that part of the ceiling in his room collapsed. No-one was hurt, they just got a shock. When the volunteers came in they moved them to another room and cleared it all up. It smelt funny.
Speaking of which, I've earned the unfortunate nickname 'The Little Smeller' because of a little poop-issue I've been having. I just love sneaking into the bathroom and pooping in the tub - you should see the volunteers faces when they find it! (And wow, does it stink!) Sometimes the poop gets stuck in my fur, this is the reason I got my butt shaved.
I'm so tiny the volunteers can overpower me easily, so I can't stop them from grooming me and giving me baths when I smell.
It's a hard life being so little!
I better go before Lucy wakes up and catches me blogging - bye!
I'm so furious I could spit.
I'm almost too disgusted to blog.
Humans! Eargh! Just when you think you can trust them they do something so terrible, so heinous, so utterly humiliating that you can only dream of dying and being reborn as a massive Sumatran Tiger so that you can smash into their bedroom at night and eat them alive like crunchy mice.
This particular human, I curse her! She came in on Friday, disguising herself as being some kind of cat-worshipper: stroking us and cooing. Then she pinned Frosty, aka 'Hummer', down on a table and shaved him bald.
I laughed at him of course. He said it felt wonderful and followed the volunteers around all weekend thanking them and asking for them to rub his fuzzy butt. I mocked him and told him he looked like a drowned dog.
Would I have mocked him had I known what cruel, evil fate the volunteers had in store for their Queen?
It started with Kyana.
I watched her from my perch, snorting into my paw with laughter. What a fool I was!
No sooner had they stripped her smelly fur off, when they came calling for me - oh, I thought, you have come to worship my wonderous gorgeousness? But no! They placed me on the table and that dreadful woman tortured me for 40 whole minutes!
The inhumanity! This is no way to treat royalty!
When she'd finished I couldn't even smell myself any more, I was cold and humiliated. She released me and I furiously swiped at the volunteers to let them know who was boss again.
I sit now in the silence of Chatopia, empty of those dasterdly humans, and groom my poor, shaven skin.
My lustrous locks are gone! What cat should have to endure such a thing? Not me. I admit I was a little too warm before, but nothing I couldn't handle. There was no need to go this far.
It's also true, I can move a lot easier now, but that's neither here nor there.
I guess smell a bit better too.... and I feel quite comfortable without those matted armpits...
We lost another of our old timers today: Espoir has been one of the more tolerable of fellow Chatopiites, in fact I kind of liked her. She was always shy and kept to herself - I respect that in a cat.
But alas! She found a new home, and I wish her well. If only... well, my time shall come.
Obviously no human worthy of my wonderousness exists at present, so I will content myself with life as Queen of Chatopia.
Speaking of royalty, what is this I keep seeing on the news websites about a 'Royal Wedding'? Who are these William and Kate people? They can't be very important, I've never even heard of them, yet people across Canada are making such a fuss about their engagement.
Pah.
All that media coverage about some foreigners, and yet here in Montreal they have a far more important, true Canadian Royal: Moi, Queen Lucy-Poozy. Unlike them, I am the rightful ruler of a vast swathe of this country - from the door downstairs all the way to the corner of Room 3 - that's as far as the eye can see!
My Queendom has been quiet this week, except for a lot of boxes arriving and being moved around. 'Donations' the volunteers call them, a nuisance is what I call them. A couple of cats came and went, but not much else to report. Anyway, I'm off to do my rounds. I've started walking the perimeter of my territory regularly, saying hello to my subjects, making sure things are where I left them.
You never know when some pesky volunteer will have moved something ...
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, tired and weary,
On the cat tree that rests between rooms three and room four -
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As if someone was gently rapping, rapping their paws upon the floor.
"'Tis a fellow Kitty," I muttered, "rapping gently upon the floor -
Only this and nothing more."
A distincly I recall, twas just last year before the fall:
And each dying leaf fluttered into the earth's maw.
Eagerly I sought the couch - vainly I had planned to slouch
Against the leather arm - I vouch! There's nothing better for the claw!
For the rare and wonderful moment when you've stretched your aching claw
Upon the nearest thing you saw!
And the tough yet smooth improvement on the sofa my owners used to have
Thrilled me - filled me with a paw sensation never felt before!
So that now, instead of using merely carpet I would stretch unto the parapet
Of this glorious leather couch arm! Surely placed for me to adore?
This wonderful recliner I shall scratch, stretching upwards from the floor!
I shall scratch it ever more!
Remembering this, my soul grew stronger, hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore:
For the truth is I was napping on this cat tree, and your rapping
Such a gentle, strange tapping, it aroused me from my snore
but I was scarcely sure I heard you" - there I looked down at the floor;
Tiggy was sitting 'pon my shore.
This ragged tabby-Persian was beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
Though his presence, the meaning I could never have forsaw.
Till he started then to speak and said, "our future, it is bleak,
When human owners wish to tweak us, change the purpose of our paws.
They see our very beings, our physical joys as merely flaws,
And they cut off precious claws!"
Tiggy, sitting lonely on the floor below spoke only
of his claws, and in their absence how his heart was broke and sore.
For he held them up to stare - there were no points among the hair
of his pawpads, and there; that's something I could sypathise with more -
This grim and ghastly operation forced upon my friend upon the floor
It shocked me to the core!
Why? I sat engaged in guessing and yet no words could be expressing
My anger at the humans who would gulloutine cat fingers - oh the gore!
And as for me? The sofa I had scratched, but suddenly I was unlatched
And before things could be patched - I was thrown out of the door!
"Could you provide me with some other wonderous scratcher?" I implored?
The human answered: "nevermore!"
"Be that then our word of parting, you big fiend!" I shrieked upstarting -
"Get thee back home to your sofa which you've chosen over me!
I am a living being and you're obviously not seeing:
You could have simply taught me not to claw your dumb settee.
You'd rather chuck me out of your home than listen to my plee!
You don't deserve a kitty!
As for Tiggy, his operation removed the wonderous sensation
We get when, upon a substitute tree we stretch our claw!
For you cannot help agreeing that no feeling human being
would ever dream of seeing someone mutilate our paw.
Of cutting the last joint away and deforming our great paw,
As if it was a flaw!
Today I looked danger in the face - and yet lived to tell the tale!
I heard it roaring from afar - my new enemy, the Beast Without a Face. It rumbled like thunder through the corridors of Chatopia, sending lesser cats scattering to the four winds, devouring everything in it's path.
Finally, the Beast arrived at my door. It roared and shoved it's way into my room, filling the air with it's cries and sending Tessa (the lady-cat who shares this room) into a panic. One of the Voluntarias clung onto the back of it, fighting to subdue it.
But I: Maverick Banderas, bravest of all cats and defender of the Voluntarias, I showed no fear! Let it come! I said, I will show it no mercy! I rose from my bed in a rage, stretching to my full height. The Beast came at me, but I stood my ground and showed no fear or mercy - this will be a fight to the death!
Seeing my courage the Beast Without a Face knew it was no match against me. It went quiet, and surrendered. The beautiful Voluntario stroked me, thanking me for saving her from the terror, and she dragged it out of the room and away.
But there was no need to thank me, pretty lady. I would do it all again for such a beautiful woman.
For I, am Maverick Banderas. Viva Las Voluntarias!
Last Saturday's Open Day here at Chatopia - as well as giving humans from across the city the chance to bask in the glow of my royal beauty - was also an excellent opportunity to make some vital purchases (such as informative books and catnip bumblebees).
I've decided that although, obviously, I am a highly superior feline of impeccable breeding and poise, there is no harm in being smart as well as breathtakingly beautiful. I've been continuing my exercise regime of periodically sprinting through the coridoor (despite what some volunteers might say, I am sprinting, not gallumphing. It's quite a different thing altogether. Some people are so rude...) As well as keeping physically fit, it's important that I don't let my razor sharp mind become dull through lack of stimulation. So as you can see, I am building on my already impressive education. It behooves one to keep abreast of the latest developments in literature, the arts and sciences.
I also have a mind to the future. Words as well as actions are vital in rallying the people to my cause! Soon I shall step up my campaign to oust Kyana La Banana from my Queendom and reclaim it as my own.
Today I watched her playing with her silly fuzzy ball on the stairs: fetching it and bringing it back to the volunteers like a mere canine.
She has great stamina, but I... I have all the brains.
Amigos, I write to you so that you can know my courage. I am Maverick Banderas, the most brave and daring of all the cats in Montreal!
I come from the streets where I fought tooth and claw against the bandidos, carving a place for myself in the cruel dog-eat-cat world.
But I was captured and taken into a shelter. I was blinded with rage: unleashing my fury on them, striking down my enemies at the point of my claw! I wanted only libertad - freedom.
I didn't know that these humans would be my saviours.
Until I came to Chatopia.
I found myself surrounded by beautiful chicas: gorgeous human women with eyes like honey, voices like a kitten-down.
How they purred to me and cooled the fires of my blood. My rage ebbed away like the tide.
They call them The Voluntarias.
I am in love with them all.
I vow to protect them with all my bravery and strength until the end of time!
I'm tiny Tammy. I saw what happened to the others, I'm keeping this sweater on till I'm sure the cat-shaving lady is gone!
